I mentioned some weeks ago that I’d recorded an episode for a new podcast the Catholic Archdiocese of Sydney launched this month called This Catholic Life.
The episode has just come out and I hope you’ll find it as interesting to listen to as I did recording it.
What I really enjoyed about this conversation was how honest it was, from every perspective – married, unmarried, male and female. I spoke about my experiences and clarified some of what I perceive to be the misconceptions that arose from my article, while I was able to get a new perspective from Box, a 36-year-old single guy, who has had his share of brutal experiences at the hands of several women.
Peter and Renee gave their perspectives as a married man and woman and the conversation overall was enlightening and refreshing.
We discussed the Catholic dating scene in Sydney, the challenges Catholic women and Catholic men face, bad dating experiences, the pornification of our culture, the “Disney factor”, and of course, whether a good man is hard to find, amongst other things.
Two issues that arose from this discussion that I would like to talk about in more detail in future blog posts are:
- Clarity in dating – overcoming the confusion and uncertainty that arises whether two people are “actually dating” or not
- Not stringing men along for fear of hurting their feelings
These are both big issues that I see crop up in the dating scene all the time. The first is a problem that men primarily need to overcome and the second, unsurprisingly, is for women.
For some reason I’m unable to embed the audio on this page, but I’ve put the link to the podcast in a fancy button to make it that much more enticing to click on…
I hope you enjoy it!
Agony and Hope 
The dating model simply needs to go away. It’s a terrible model based on a terrible theory of discernment and horribly cruel to all but the most virtuous of participants. The courtship model, explained by father Ripperger on YouTube, is much more sensible and doesn’t ever have the two problems you listed because it is very intentional and has time constraints.
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Hi Tim, do you have a link to that video of Fr Ripperger?
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https://youtu.be/r1V4w38v2mI
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Actually, the older I get (& as my sons move into their teens), the more I view arranged marriage favorably! 😊
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I’m not an in a position to comment but it really is a lottery for the innocent and the naive. A Wise head on old shoulders,it has to help. As my father tells his little dog who peers out at the big wide world from the back gate “trust me you wouldn’t like it out there”. Ps I hope I have read you correctly,as they say in matters of importance timing counts!
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As long as there is still room left for the will of those to be married (since marriage is created by the intention of the bride and groom during the marriage ceremony) then I agree arranged marriage is a perfectly reasonable way to do things in many circumstances.
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Of course. There’s a big difference between an arranged marriage and a forced marriage.
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Hi Tim, I did watch this above mentioned video by Father Ripperger ,which if my memory serves me well was posted in an earlier blog of Anna’s by you. Tim, there is a video on YouTube by bishop Fulton Sheen on this same subject titled courtship,it runs for about 23mins,it really is worth the time watching and dovetails nicely with Father Rippergers version. Yes Fulton Sheen could be viewed as archaic on account of this video being in black and white,but this man really sums up courtships basic principles with forthright succinctness,clarity and humour.I feel this man was wise to the nth degree and really nails the present feminisation of men to a T .Similarly he highlights the importance of femininity in regards to respect for women in general,which could account for the present day problems between the sexes,due to lack, that could well be the cause of the the problems in present day courtship.The favour I’m seeking is , are you able to view this and secondly could you make the link available also. Ps I’m not computer savvy.
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I have also seen the video you mention, and it can be found here:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=X3QTbVxO6kA
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Good man,thanks for that Tim.
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Great post 🙂
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Speaking about giving up your identity, I have a longtime acquaintance who was set up with a girl early last year. At the beginning of the relationship he told me that he was terrified that he would do something that would ruin the relationship. From what I’ve heard, this girl dominates him completely. He changed his personality (at least outwardly) to conform to what she wants. This seems bad to me. I bet that at some point his real self will come out.
Box said that his age has been an issue for some girls. A difference of four years doesn’t seem significant to me. Who knows…
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Agreed ,that’s a definition of insanity. It’s funny how the need for love is such a powerful; I’m not sure whether the right word to use here is force or drug or addiction. As for Box, four years to my mind was another case of hit and miss. I think the 4yr number really masks the reality in truth. The (truth)musings of Albert Einstein ,again start to have relevance and make sense,in that “Reality is merely an illusion”, masked by excuse in this case. In a way I feel sorry for the girls- as Anna’s friend Mary said in the fish’s of men podcast it really is up to men to deal with the competing realities of how they feel ,for better or for worse.
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Matron,can I have another one of those
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Sean, your buddy is headed for total and complete disaster! Body and soul and soul of his kids. I pray he NEVER has kids – yes, Anna, I PRAY THIS GUY NEVER HAS KIDS – They will not turn out ok.
More men here and this guys buddy really need to internalize the red pill and Rollo Tomossi writings and podcasts. But you and him (very much probably) won’t!
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Slightly offtopic, but related-
Article below about a single woman in Melbourne who has actually run out of men to be matched with on Tinder. She’s had quite an exhaustive search for “the one” but without much luck. Perhaps Ms. Hitchings’s situation isn’t uncommon, church-specific or not.
https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/9609385/swiped-men-tinder-no-matches-left-still-single/
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Give me nice I can do without the glamorous high maintenance head for the hills stuff. Back to the temple, an Australian Vietnam veteran is lying in Albury hospital gravely ill. He has fought the good fight against bladder and prostate cancer,melanoma and leukaemia. His name ,Tim Fischer .
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I’m late to this discussion but what struck me the about the podcast was the failure to acknowledge the sexual element of attraction. Any romantic relationship is going to have a sexual and “platonic” component and while there are many nice,– i.e. platonically compatible–, people out there it appears that many of them lack the sexual element which fuels the initial attraction.
Secondly, I thought the “psychological analysis” of why men fail to ask women out was quite superficial. The fear of asking a woman out is more a domain specific failure than a global failure of courage than many of the panel seemed to intimate. Lots of guys are brave in other areas but become paralysed when it comes to talking to women. The dynamics at play are totally different.
I feel sorry for your short friend but all hope is not lost. He needs to learn some Game.
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Agreed. This is a really good point your making and could probably be a cause for another podcast. In a general sense I think Anna’s friend Mary on the fish’s of men podcast alluded to the need for skills when dating- this is absolutely essential- I mean does a pilot hop in the jumpseat and just fly the thing without the skills needed- no of course not .Wanting to do something and being proficient at doing it are completely different entities. Generally speaking learning to perfect something takes pain, persistence, motivation and guts- it doesn’t matter what endeavour it is,including dating,there’s no short cut way around it,if your not feeling the pain,your not putting enough effort in. So this brings me to the point of guys being paralysed when it comes to talking to women. The reason for this is anxiety,and the reason for this is our parasympathetic nervous system telling us numbskull guys that we didn’t come equipped for the task- so the solution is to get the skills, and this requires a certain mindset and no not the preconceived notion of competency we thought we had. Treat the whole concept like a hobby and pour passion and resources into it until you feel confident and competent- believe me the key to life is one big confidence trick. As for good men being hard to find ,this could be certainly viewed as,are compatible women hard to find,and in this day and age the answer is a culmination of yes and no, but predominately YES. From a Christian Man’s perspective the task is definitely daunting and not for the faint hearted. In my humble view the feminists have done women in general and for some reason men specifically a great disservice. The feminist agenda has divested women of the very thing that gives them power that makes them attractive to men,their femininity(mystery) Men don’t want women that are like men, ie; aggressive and domineering and driven In that sense. I feel their are reasons why men shy from engaging women generally outside of shyness,lack of confidence or embarrassment. With promiscuity almost as rampant as in the male cohort and with 30% or nearing on the forthcoming available evidence of women accessing abortion services in their lifetime-from a Man’s perspective the chances aren’t enticing and odds aren’t appealing either. From a Man’s perspective the latter and fore mentioned paradigms indicate to me the withdrawal of the heart from that which should be sacred.
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The greatest role model we men have, is the Lord Jesus. The greatest advisor we have, is the Holy Spirit. If we imitate the Lord Jesus, listening to and applying the advice from the Holy Spirit, and be humble and contrite of heart (knowing that we all will fail in these requirements from time to time), then we will be great men. Tony B.
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